I hate the Dentist!

So I finally went to the dentist today. I have had problems with my teeth for as long as I can remember but this time there is light at the end of the tunnel. I found a really good dentist who is willing to work with me, understands the reasonable fear that I have of dentists, oral examinations, PEOPLE PUTTING SHARP METAL OBJECTS IN MY MOUTH!, etc. They are going to give me a pill that makes me forget a whole day, only to do away with the anxieties that some patients (as strange as I am) have when getting dental work done. Wish I had a pill like that for days other than dental visits.

I can remember the crappy dentist that my sister and I had when we were growing up, and how terrible it was. I think thats where all of this comes from. I recall that he was a client of my dad's that was only doing the work to pay him back as his accountant in trade work. What an asshole! I must have only been 6 or 7 years old then. I remember getting my teeth cleaned and the lady being really rough. I have a really sensitive gag reflex, I can't even brush my tounge without almost vomiting every day. I ended up throwing up on this lady and all over myself because she wouldn't listen to me when I requested that she pull her fingers out of my throat as she cleaned my teeth. Instead she responded by calling me a baby and dumb kid, and smacked me on the head telling me to relax and grow up. Hello! I was a little boy. So screw her she got puked on! Makes me feel better about the situation but it still traumatized me. And of course when I came out having been crying and visibly upset my mother said thank you to the receptionist and told me to stop crying. Kids back then just had to cope I guess.

That was one of many bad situations. Later in life, our insurance was FHP(the Fatal Health Plan). They really fucked me up by pulling the wrong teeth, forgetting to fill teeth completely, and covering up cavities without removing decay. Thank you FHP. You guys sucked and I am glad you are out of business. I am just glad that I survived.

Now I am paying for the shitty work and the lack of even minimal care I recieved as a child and I am having more teeth removed, root canals, and gums treated. I have seen what he can do and he has promised he will help me no matter what. I wanted to break down when I heard that all this is covered by my insurance and I only will have to pay 348.00 out of pocket for thousands of dollars of work. I have to wait a couple of weeks, but he has actually talked to me, told me what will be taking place and made me feel good that this is all reversable and will be almost painless to do. It will all be worth it and I am looking forward to the new smile and no more pain.

Exercise!!! Or you can't keep your job!

Once again I have passed the physical fitness test for my department. Every year officers are required to pass a STANDARDIZED PHYSICAL AGILITY TEST. I don't know how STANDARD it really is.

Here are the requirements;

You must:

Run 1.5 miles in 16 minutes or less

Jump vertically at least 13 inches

Do 25 sit ups in 1 minute

Do 25 pushups no time limit

Bench press at least 75 percent of your body weight one repetition.

There are variables(hence the lack of satndardization).

You can just pass and thats fine. You get an award for reaching masters only if you are a female, or over 40, if you can;

Run 1.5 miles in 13:30, do 40 situps, 40 pushups, jump 19 inches, and then just bench press the bare minimum. This awards you 4 hours paid leave if you can complete the test at masters.

Or for me, since I am 29, and a male, I can go for Elite only. I must Run the 1.5 miles in 12:12 or less, do 52 situps in a minute, 50 pushups, jump 24 inches, and bench press 100 percent of my body weight. This would award me 8 hours of paid leave for Elite status. This year was one of my personal best, although I missed the elite status AGAIN!

Run 11:36, situps 48, pushups 65, jump 24, bench press 145 percent(200 lbs).

I find this to be quite disheartening since I bust my ass to stay in shape and the damn test is not equal even though they say that it is. I am frustrated by the fact that so many of my fellow officers who have trained me and taught me all that I know are struggling, and have been facing the loss of their jobs when they are so very close to full retirement. The departments should respect and reatain age and experience. If they want to lose good people because they only want to have people who run like gazelles and can bench press a buick then they are doing a good job.They will have only those who look tough and have no experience that comes with age and the cander that comes wtih those of older generations. I am sorry for my brothers who are losing this fight and I wish you all the best and I wish there was something I could do to help. Someday I will be older and maybe not in the best of shape. Will I have to worry that all my years of service may have been for not. Is it not alright to age? We work hard on the job. I walk at least 15 miles a day, I am on my feet all the time, we are always understaffed, and we go hands on with the assholes of the community on a daily basis. I think we may deserve just a little more cushion when we fall, some understanding, some appreciation. Don't trade in experience and age like a leased vehicle and get a newer never been driven or tested model.

On the other hand I agree that cops should try to stay in good shape. It's safer, and inmates work out all the time and so should we. But thats the dilema. With all the work load and the crazy hours and the stress, who wants to exercise? I want to get drunk and crawl in a hole for an hour a day just to function after a long shift. I would respect those who made the policies if they did our job and they came out from behind their desks. They can make the policies, they want our service and protection, but can't pass the P.T. test. Such beurocracy! It's all for a lower insurance rate and they know it! Nobody cares how high my cholesterol is, but me and the insurance company. They make it sound like they give a shit but the bottom line is that my poor health would be a liability. Nothing more. It's discriminatory and flat out wrong to make me submit to medical questionaires, a blood draw twice a year, body fat check, and to charge me 300.00 if I don't complete a healthy living and smoking sessation program. This stuff is none of their business. My finances and my health have nothing to do with my job. If I am sick they have alotted sick leave. If you want to know why I don't feel well, it's private info and it's between me and whom I chose to share that with. They violate their own policies on this every day! What happenned to privacy?

I am sorry for those who are losing their jobs. I hope you all are well and thank you for teaching me so much, it was invaluable. One more year down and many to go...

Lord I ask for courage
Courage to face and Conquer my own fears...
Courage to take me Where others will not go...
I ask for strength Strength of body to protect others And strength of spirit to lead others...
I ask for dedication Dedication to my job, to do it well Dedication to my community To keep it safe...
Give me Lord, concern For others who trust me And compassion for those who need me...
And please Lord Through it all Be at my side...

Author Unknown

A list of the things that I like

A list of things that I like

1. I like the sound of Rain on the windows.
2. The smell of the country, the one that is reminiscent of horse’s cows and fresh cut hay.
3. The sound of people laughing.
4. Old movies that were made way before my time.
5. I like the smell of the water when the waves crash into the shore and being near the ocean.
6. The company of true friends that would do anything for you.
7. Photo albums.
8. Video games
9. Being in Hawaii.
10. I like exercising.
11. I like fishing with my Grandfather.
12. Accomplishing a goal through hard work.
13. Making things that are useful.
14. Always having a plan in life.
15. Helping others accomplish goals.
16. Making people laugh.
17. Being in charge.
18. I like having all my bills paid.
19. I like being with people who treat me well.
20. Drawing a picture with no pressure or time constraints.
21. Taking LONG hot showers.
22. Backyard barbeques.
23. Swimming.
24. Camping and Hiking.
25. I like listening to music and exploring new types of music.
26. Having a drink with a good friend.
27. Road trips with no direction.
28. Waterskiing.
29. Driving in the middle of nowhere alone listening to sappy sad and slow ballad type songs as loud as possible.
30. Playing twister.
31. Cooking for people.
32. Chopping wood.
33. Shooting guns.
34. Watching fireworks.
35. Watching science and animal shows.
36. I like staying up all night and watching the sun rise with someone.
37. Hot air balloons.
38. Learning how to speak a new language.
39. I like to want after something and the enjoyment that you get after receiving it.
40. I like being around beautiful things.

I believe I should digress and say why.

Recently I have had to re evaluate my life and look at it from a different perspective. What makes me happy? What do I like? How do I fulfill my needs alone without my spouse to help me? Why am I not happy without her? What does it take to make me smile? Why do I always depend on others to keep me going? Why do I feel like the world is crumbling around me?

Hence the list.

I really need to snap out of it. I have tried to depend on her for support and love and for my general happiness during a rough time and that was wrong. She and I have been best friends for seven years and she made me realize how much more there was to life and she still teaches me. Recently I learned that my needs are way out of whack and that I needed to find other means of happiness and fulfillment to help me through my rough patches. I will do my best.